silver_flecks: (Del - Second Change)

she remembers what it was like to think about the future and things not happening yet.

Now there's only now which was only ever now and will always be now and she's starting to realize that it's--different. Okay. Good, maybe. Her, definitely.


The Eldest, she thinks, still can't understand. Won't ever.

Not Death, even, and her sister understands a lot. She knows. She thinks. Everyone knows everything, but tells themselves they don't, but

(she understands, she doesn't comprehend)

knowing isn't understanding.

Understanding can be murder, really, so she thinks maybe she can envy them that.

But. Yeah. The thing. Thing. She stops and watches the fish in the lake (man-made with cement, not real, but still there, so it's a real lake without being a real lake she knows this shouldn't matter but it still does, because there are lakes and there are lakes, sister) and sticks her toes that are toe-shaped today in the water as people walk by.

Everything's (eventual) now. Everything. Everywhen.

So you can't miss, exactly. Well. She can't. She's still there (she's not herself) with everyone she's touchedtouchingwilltouchendlessmeansendlessmeansnorealendmeansnorealbeginning and and

("I'll be here, until you're ready to wake up. I promise.")

she just listens. For a little bit.

She's goingtobegoneisgonewasgone. The one. The lady.

She liked the lady. Likes.

(Life is made of meetings and partings. That is the way of it)

She feels it start to slip away, because tenses mean time mean ConFuSioN aNd SoBbINg AnD lAyIng CuRleD uP, and a man pauses to see if the girl with mismatched eyes is all right.

"No," she says, even though he hasn't spoken yet, and when she looks up at him he feels
like his heart
is beating too fast
and like
the world is too big

(how can I keep from singing?)

"but I will be. Thank you. You need to go now."

And he does.

And she sits up and pushes her (reddarkreddarkreddarkbrown) hair back over her shoulder and listens again, a little

(save it, o delight!)

and the thing is.

Well, there are things, and there are things.

The thing is, it may not be given to mortals to love the Endless, but Endless do love mortals, for all that. She loves her mad girls, and sometimes, she thinks, love is enough reason. For the woman without legs. For the girl who used to dance. Love is enough.

The thing is, she thinks, that people don't know when they're asking for things, sometimes, and sometimes they don't even mean to ask, but.

You can give them something they need, anyway. Even if they don't know it.

She thinks. And when she thinks, she does, and the lake is gone and the people are gone and the outside is gone as she looks around the room.

The doll is tiny, when she cradles it, like it's a living thing, and she presses a kiss to its forehead and looks up to see the buildings and glass and pavement and walls and and





and she sits quietly next to it, the doll in her lap, and bends to press a kiss to the petals the same way she did to the doll.

It burns.

She burns.

("I thought you knew everything." "I knew you were going to surprise me.")

It's not the Eldest.

It's everything the Eldest is.

The difference is barely there.

Ka blows you where it will, and she respects that, because only fools wouldn't, but she ran away from ka a long, long time ago (and it was just a few moments ago), because it hurt too much, and she could.

Ka blows you where it will, til the end, but the thing is, she thinks that--that--that endings

endings are heartless, say true

endings are mercy, say thankya

endings are illusions, say sorry say amen

and ka can only go so far.

And then there are things outside and beyond and after and it's still too bright to look at without flinching, but her eyes are getting used to it, maybe. She thinks.

And maybe in the end, dirty old ka and she can learn to not burn so badly.

She doesn't know. Maybe. She just looks at the rose and says, "There are still things you don't know," and nods, and sets Sophia beside it, carefully, and when she walks away (except she doesn't really walk, and she doesn't really leave) she hears singing behind her and she hums along with it.

Not quite in tune.

But somehow, it sounds all right, even with that, and there's a ring
(of endless light)

in her mind and she smiles and thinks of birthdays and presents and her red hair's in her mouth as she goes to see if the fish in the pond have learned to tapdance yet.
silver_flecks: (Default)
"Who killed Cock Robin?"

"I," said the Sparrow,
"With my bow and arrow, I killed Cock Robin."

"Who saw him die?"

"I," said the Fly,
"With my little eye, I saw him die."

"Who caught his blood?"

"I," said the Fish,
"With my little dish, I caught his blood."

"Who'll make the shroud?"

"I," said the Beetle,
"With my thread and needle, I'll make the shroud."

"Who'll dig his grave?"

"I," said the Owl,
"With my pick and shovel, I'll dig his grave."

"Who'll be the parson?"

"I," said the Rook,
"With my little book, I'll be the parson."

"Who'll be the clerk?"

"I," said the Lark,
"If it's not in the dark, I'll be the clerk."

"Who'll carry the link?"

"I," said the Linnet,
"I'll fetch it in a minute, I'll carry the link."

"Who'll be chief mourner?"

"I," said the Dove,
"I mourn for my love, I'll be chief mourner."

"Who'll carry the coffin?"

"I," said the Kite,
"If it's not through the night, I'll carry the coffin."

"Who'll bear the pall?

"We," said the Wren,
"Both the cock and the hen, we'll bear the pall."

"Who'll sing a psalm?"

"I," said the Thrush,
"As she sat on a bush, I'll sing a psalm."

"Who'll toll the bell?"

"I," said the bull,
"Because I can pull, I'll toll the bell."

All the birds of the air fell a-sighing and a-sobbing,
When they heard the bell toll for poor Cock Robin.
silver_flecks: (Swallowing My Fish)
Del likes Singapore.

It's busy, and there are people, which isn't always true when things are busy (she thinks but could be wrong) and there are duckies (now there are weren't before one has purple and green feathers and she's named him Jennifer Ignatius) and gum.

She's chewing the gum. That's where it is. In her mouth. To be chewed.

It tastes like dandelion wine that's been spilled on wooden benches.

It's good. She thinks. She knows.

It's fun, as she skips with her duckie in arms (and if it used to be a crewman, she isn't bothered) along the dock, crooning to it before looking back at Jack and grinning.
silver_flecks: (some things are sacred)
Sometimes time matters.

Sometimes it doesn't.

Some time is now, anyway, and in kairos it's the moment before, just before, the sun sets on the third day, and in chronos it's a time that's pretty far in the future from what you might think, and either way, it's now.

And there's a female form, with bright eyes, ready and waiting.
silver_flecks: (Obscured)

Moiraine makes her decision, and then she's


wherever there is, in a moment

not a moment passing, but

In A MoMeNt StUcK bEtWeEn ThE ToCkS oF tHe ClOcK

but she's there, in the center of Del's realm.

There's the heart of the Dreaming, and a garden for Destiny.

Delight had a garden, and part of the new way of being shows in the flowers that are there, but this is the moment between the slicing of air by lightning of Del more than anything else.

And there's Moiraine.

And there she is, with a smile.

Not Delight, not Delirium, still Del, but this is her secret name, that's not spoken yet, with bright clear eyes and a smile that's lighter than Death's, like a fuzzy towel when you're soaked.

"So she looked up at the sky," she says softly, "through the waves, and saw the sun one way, and then they split her fin,"

and it hits, all at once, with a rip and a tear and the splitting of something that shouldn't be split, holes torn open and


leaks in

"and when she surfaced and saw the sun with nothing in between, she realized," Moiraine hears, softly, "that it burned."

silver_flecks: (Default)
Once upon a time, there was a girlwomanEndlesschick, and her brothers and sisters and ambiguousgendersibling called her Del, sometimes, and that was a good name for her.

And Del (who used to be someone else, and was someone different now, but really always the same, just different corners, like light through a cut gem, coming out one side sometimes, and sometimes another) went to a place called Milliways, except she’d kinda always been there a little, too, cause it was her kinda place, and you keep an eye on places like that, that you like, and all.

And it was a Nice Place, except when it wasn’t, but Del left, after showing up, because things were


And changing and she kinda knew that she had to change to, though she really didn’t want to yet, cause it was like pulling a scab off, and all oozy and gross and it hurt, too. Ick.

But she left, cause she kinda knew anyway, and Del sat in her realm and the things and the Things and the Things that matters most to her, she very carefully collected, and most of them were memories, and some of them she didn’t really remember, but they were still there.

So she put them all into a bubble, and sealed the bubble in all the frogs that ever existed, and a lizard that was once a demon god was ordered to guard it, and he did, because, really, he didn’t have much else to do.

Those things were safe, and the memories that came after were safe, too, cause Del doesn’t really do things in a LiNeAr manner, because that’s boring.

So the girlwomanEndlesschick had her things safe, and her Things, and her Things, and then the only person who in the end matters was safe, too, her


Derry girlangeldaughterdelightmummy’sdelight and Del never stopped watching her, really, because Good Mommies let go, but they never really let go all the way, and Derry was a good girl, but also very human, and couldn’t do things like make blue mango juice or change her hair, so a tiny part of Del that was more than sane, was


With it, watched her little girl, and amused her, because Derry was her delight, and she loved to keep her happy.

And then that was too much, and part of the girlwomanEndlesschick named Del had to pull back in to herself and her realm and away and her little girl named Derry

Mummy’s delight

knew and could tell and was sad, but Del had to do it, to keep her little girl safe, and so she did, and everyone was


of her realm, now, then, when it happening in the SpAcE TiMe CoNtInUiNg ThInGuMmY, and Del



closed her eyes

and let go.
silver_flecks: (Default)
Del enters, humming.

Bein' Delight's good for her mood.
silver_flecks: (Default)
[From here]

She follows Jeremy up to his room, wrapping arms around him from behind when they get there and kissing the back of his neck. Tip-toes, but she can do it.
silver_flecks: (Completely Me)
My SiBlInG WiLl FiNd Me SoMeOnE.

My SiBlInG iS bEiNg NiCe AnD StUff AnD iT'S strAnGe AnD I haVe A hAt NoW, A pReTtY PreTty HaT, aNd HeShEiT WiLl FiNd SoMeOnE fOr Me.

SoMeOnE SpeCiAl. LiKe My DoGgIe Is SpEcIal, bUt nOt, BecAuSe It'S EvEn BeTtEr tHaN thAt.

SoMeOne LiKe He Was BUT nOt.

SoMeOnE tO lOvE anD AnD AnD sTuFf...
silver_flecks: (Default)
I dOn'T lIkE tHiS.

I dOn'T lIkE tHaT DeSiRe iS pLaYiNg HiSHeRiTs gAmEs.

I dOn'T lIke tHis.

I dOn'T.

iT's NoT fAiR.


BuT I lIke tHe PrEtTy LaDy. ShE's NiCe...


silver_flecks: (Default)

August 2006

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